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I Am The Leader Of The Republican Party, And So Can You!

by David Badash on March 2, 2009

in News,Politics

               

 

 

There seems to be a huge identity crisis over at the GOP. It’s not really clear who anyone is!

Take Rush Limbaugh. (Please!) Rush Limbaugh is a conservative political commentator. He is a radio talk show host. He is not, contrary to what Keith Olbermann says, a comedian. How do we know? Because Rush Limbaugh said so: “Here I am. Who — who am I? I am a radio talk show host. I am a kid from Missouri who wanted to be on the radio.”

Yet, lots of folks think Rush Limbaugh is the leader of the Republican Party

Take Michael Steele. Michael Steele is the chairman of the Republican National Committee. (You’ll have to take my word for it. The GOP’s web site is a little out of date.) 

Saturday, talking to D.L. Hughley, Michael Steele said he thinks Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer. (Some may find Limbaugh entertaining, but he is not an entertainer.) Well, then today, Michael Steele took it back!

Meanwhile, Rush said:

“I’m not in charge of the Republican Party, and I don’t want to be. I would be embarrassed to say that I’m in charge of the Republican Party in the sad-sack state that it’s in. If I were chairman of the Republican Party, given the state that it’s in, I would quit. I might get out the hari-kari knife because I would have presided over a failure that is embarrassing to the Republicans and conservatives who have supported it and invested in it all these years.”

Excellent!

It’s not really clear who anyone is! After all, wasn’t Sarah Palin in charge just a few months ago? And up until his response to Obama’s address last Tuesday, some thought Bobby Jundal was in charge. (BTW, over the weekend they voted to have Mitt Romney – you remember Mitt? – be the frontrunner in 2012. Sarah Palin tied for fourth place. That’s change I can believe in.)

What is especially clear is that no one knows who the leader of the Republican Party is. (Lots of folks think it should still be John McCain.) (No one thinks it should be George W. Bush.)

Now, what better time to start a coup than when there’s mass confusion! After all, no one in the GOP knows who’s in charge, what they want, what they stand for. The timing is perfect!

Just look at Michael Steele. (Remember, he’s the chairman of  the Republican Party, the GOP.) Just days after taking office Steele said his party must do a better job of courting candidates and voters who support gay marriage and are pro-choice

Them just three weeks later, Steele, when asked about civil unions for gays, said,

No, no no. What would we do that for? What are you, crazy? No. Why would we backslide on a core, founding value of this country? I mean this isn’t something that you just kind of like, “Oh well, today I feel, you know, loosey-goosey on marriage.”

See? Confusion! Even the supposed head of the party doesn’t know where it stands! 

And Steele, in a desperate attempt to remind people who’s in charge, had this little chat with CNN’s D.L. Hughley Saturday:

I’m telling you, now is the time to grab the reins and become the leader of the GOP. Everyone’s doing it! (I’m still laughing at that Michael “I’m the leader of the Republican Party” Steele!) 

Now look at Rush. He’s really throwing us for a loop. Why, just Saturday, he gave the “keynote address” at CPAC – The Conservative Political Action Convention. Let’s take a listen. (And, just ignore that stuff about Rush comparing himself to God.)

Pretty cool, huh? Rush isn’t the leader of the Republican Party. He’s God! We know ’cause he said so. And that means that the leadership IS up for grabs. I’m telling you, I’m gong for it.

Now, I know what you’re saying. “David, you’re a Democrat. You’re a Progressive. You’re a Liberal. You’re gay.” Well, that’s what’s really great! Because, according to Rush, none of that matters anymore! The GOP is embracing me! Listen to God, um, I mean Rush, some more:

Here’s more of Rush!

“Let me tell you who we conservatives are:  We love people. [Applause] When we look out over the United States of America, when we are anywhere, when we see a group of people, such as this or anywhere, we see Americans. We see human beings. We don’t see groups. We don’t see victims. We don’t see people we want to exploit. What we see — what we see is potential. We do not look out across the country and see the average American, the person that makes this country work. We do not see that person with contempt. We don’t think that person doesn’t have what it takes. We believe that person can be the best he or she wants to be if certain things are just removed from their path like onerous taxes, regulations and too much government.”

That cinches it right there! The Republicans aren’t going to exploit gays! We’re human beings! We’re not a group, we’re potential! As a matter of fact, even gays would be better if there were less taxes! (Maybe if there were less taxes, gays could get married!)

Here are some more quotes from Rush’s speech:

“We recognize that we are all individuals.” (And gays are really individuals – who, I guess can get married!)

“We don’t want to tell anybody how to live.” (So, if you’re gay, that’s now OK!)

“We love the people of this country.” (Including gays!)

See how great this is? Now, this for me is the statement that is making me switch parties and grab the leadership:

“We don’t hate anybody. We don’t — I mean, the racism in this country, if you ask me, I know many people in this audience — let me deal with this head on. You know what the cliche is, a conservative: racist, sexist, bigot, homophobe. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen of America, if you were paying attention, I know you were, the racism in our culture was exclusively and fully on display in the Democrat primary last year.”

Perfect! They don’t hate anyone. Conservatives aren’t homophobes or bigots. So, I guess then gays can get married! After all, Conservatives don’t want to tell us how to live. As a matter of fact, at the very end of his speech, God, whoops, I mean Rush, says, 

“Don’t measure your success by how many people like you. Just worry about how they vote. And then at the end of the day how they live, but that’s really none of your business once they close the doors.”

And there you have it folks. It’s no body’s business what happens behind closed doors. Rush said so.

Before he gets back from telling another ‘Larry King dies’ joke, I’m going to step up, grab the reins, and become the leader of the Republican Party. Why not? Everyone’s doing it!

I’m the leader of the Republican Party, and so can you.

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