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FunnyOrDie “Uncovers” Mike Pence’s “Leaked” Presidential Website

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“Russian Translation Coming Soon”

An “exclusive video, seen below and “leaked by a White House staffer” from humor site FunnyOrDie, has “revealed” Mike Pence’s “preparations for his rise to the role of President.” It offers insight into the creation of officialmikepence.com.

The site itself, a “private link” which advises not to share it, proudly displays the Pence/Christ White House ticket and slogan, “See you tomorrow, for tomorrow is now today.” It chronicles Donald Trump’s resignation, leading to Pence’s rise to President of the United States of America.

“With a political toolbelt equipped with a liberal arts education, legal degree, public radio show, decades of public service, and strong family values like Bible and No-Mulan,” the site describes, “Pence was ready to join Republican Presidential nominee and fellow heterosexual Donald Trump on the 2016 GOP ticket.”

“With the resignation of President Trump now in the past,” it concludes, “Pence is excited to look toward the future as the 46th President of the United States of America.”

The site provides “Mike Facts,” including that “Mike Pence went to college, [likes] to watch movies,” and even includes his favorite type of technology: radio.

Visitors can sign up for email notifications for the best ways to “kill all your tiny dogs,” track the number of “Gays Who Have Returned to the Lord,” and even review the “upcoming” President’s weekly meals with “What I Ate.” (Highlights include a stress-induced six hash browns for breakfast, after an abruptly-canceled breakfast meeting with a “non-relative female,” and “Mother’s Spaghetti” for dinner.)

Other highlights include “Mother May I,” a Q&A section from Karen Pence, ads about who Pence will deport (Italians, Jewish person, mirrors in women’s bathrooms and men wearing boxer briefs) and a guide to the issues. (“Corn is our country. And our country is corn.”)

Homosexual site visitors can be redirected to Hell.com, a reminder of Pence’s longtime opposition of the LGBT community, and the shop offers official Pence “mouth corner ointment,” lounging slippers and “3-in-1 hair, teeth and face whitener.”

In the era of “fake news,” The New Civil Rights Movement would like to remind readers that it is, in fact, April 1st. You can visit the “official” website here. (The Russian translation is “coming soon.”)

 

 

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News

Costco Shoots Down Anti-DEI Activists: ‘Respect and Inclusion Is Appropriate and Necessary’

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costco

While other companies like Ford, Harley Davidson and Home Depot are turning their back on Diversity, Equity and Inclusion policies, Costco fought back, saying that their success is due to “respect and inclusion.”

A group of shareholders brought a proposal to the board of big-box retailer Costco Wholesale, requesting the company drop its DEI policies. The proposal cites “a number of DEI-related lawsuits” and pointed to other large companies like Alphabet, Meta and Microsoft dumping DEI policies.

“It’s clear that DEI holds litigation, reputational and financial risks to the Company, and therefore financial risks to shareholders,” the proposal read.

READ MORE: Costco Customer Refuses to Wear a Mask Because He’s ‘Not a Sheep’ and ‘Woke Up in a Free Country’ – Gets Kicked Out

The Costco board unanimously rejected this and urged all shareholders to vote against the proposal.

“Our Board has considered this proposal and believes that our commitment to an enterprise rooted in respect and inclusion is appropriate and necessary. The report requested by this proposal would not provide meaningful additional information to our shareholders, and the Board thus unanimously recommends a vote AGAINST this proposal,” the board wrote.

For our employees, these efforts are built around inclusion – having all of our employees feel valued and respected. Our efforts at diversity, equity and inclusion remind and reinforce with everyone at our Company the importance of creating opportunities for all. We believe that these efforts enhance our capacity to attract and retain employees who will help our business succeed. This capacity is critical because we owe our success to our now over 300,000 employees around the globe,” it added.

And Costco did not pull its punches while dismissing the anti-DEI proposal.

“The proponent professes concern about legal and financial risks to the Company and its shareholders associated with the diversity initiatives. The supporting statement demonstrates that it is the proponent and others that are responsible for inflicting burdens on companies with their challenges to longstanding diversity programs. The proponent’s broader agenda is not reducing risk for the Company but abolition of diversity initiatives,” the board wrote.

The proposal was initially brought to the board by the National Center for Public Policy Research, a conservative think tank, according to CNN.

While corporate skittishness may be driving other companies to drop DEI policies, MK Chin, an associate professor and Jerome Bess Faculty Fellow at Indiana University’s Kelley School of Business, said that DEI policies can lead to better employee bases.

“Millennials tend to prefer companies to stand up, and they expect—even require—CEOs to speak up on these socio-political issues. Millennials are becoming more of a center of this economy. They’re becoming more important customers with greater disposable income. Boomers are retiring or retired. Generation Xers are getting into their 50s and 60s. Considering this trend in demographics, pulling back from this initiative could have a long-term impact,” Chin told LGBTQ Nation.

“Attracting and retaining human capital might have a bigger impact. They are customers, but they’re also employees. And a good amount of research shows millennial employees tend to prioritize the importance of purpose and values at the workplace. So if dumping these DEI initiatives is perceived as ‘we’re not treating everyone as whole,’ that could hurt in terms of attracting and retaining higher-quality human capital,” Chin added.

Though other companies have been skittish when anti-DEI activists like the NCPPR have brought concerns, Costco appears to be bearing Chin’s thesis out. Costco is seen as one of the most progressive companies, with its many sustainability policies, urging suppliers to use more efficient packaging and partnering with organizations to make sure their products are sustainably sourced. It’s also known for high wages for its employees and for taking steps to reduce emissions and embrace green energy.

And it turns out, progressivism is profitable for the company, which regularly reports increases in profits.

Photo by Tony Webster via Wikimedia Commons

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CRIME

Alabama Teen Randall Adjessom Was Shot In Home By Cops Looking For Brother’s Marijuana

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Randall Adjessom, 16, was shot to death last year by the Mobile, Alabama Police Department’s S.W.A.T. team. The police were looking for marijuana allegedly owned by Adjessom’s older brother—who not only wasn’t there, but didn’t live at that home.

The Adjessom family filed suit last week against the Mobile Police Department. The officers shot Adjessom four times during a no-knock raid, according to the Associated Press. The no-knock warrant was issued as part of a investigation against his older brother for marijuana possession and distribution, despite not living at the address raided. No one at the address, which included Adjessom’s mother, aunt, grandmother and sisters, was a suspect.

Police say that Adjessom was armed with a laser-sighted pistol, according to WALA-TV. His family doesn’t dispute that he had a gun, but said it was “to protect his mother, grandmother, aunt, and sisters from the unknown intruders breaching his childhood home,” according to the Miami Herald. As soon as he saw the intruders were police officers, he put his hands up, the lawsuit said. An officer then shot him four times in the torso. Police body camera footage confirms that Adjessom had his hands up, the Herald reported.

READ MORE: ‘Reefer Madness’: Fox News Freakout as Biden Announces Pardons for Thousands in Move Toward Decriminalizing Marijuana

“Although Police Officer Defendants were holding Randall’s mother, grandmother, aunt, and sisters in a room just feet from where 16-year-old Randall lay—without any cause to do so—Police Officer Defendants never told his family that they had shot the child or that he was bleeding out in the hallway outside his bedroom door. As a result, Randall’s family, including Plaintiff, had no opportunity to render Randall aid, take him to a hospital, or call an ambulance; they also had no opportunity to say goodbye to their son, grandson, nephew, and brother,” the lawsuit read.

After shooting him, officers allegedly offered no aid, instead stepping over him to clear the rest of the home. The police didn’t try to disarm him, and instead just dressed his wounds for 40 minutes after the home had been cleared, the suit says. The family lived just eight minutes away from a hospital, but officers didn’t call for medical services for at least 40 minutes.

Attorneys for the Adjessom family, Grant & Eisenhofer, say the teen’s shooting is part of a “systemic pattern of [the Mobile Police Department] using excessive force against citizens of color; in particular, young Black boys and men.”

The attorneys cite the MPD Police Chief Paul Prine of telling officers “I’m not concerned with what the media and public thinks about the police. F**k the public,” upon being named chief in 2021. Prine was fired earlier this year following complaints from the city, according to WPMI-TV. Prine is suing Mobile, alleging he was fired in retaliation for complaining about the Mobile chief of staff.

Image by Shutterstock

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INTERNATIONAL

Shark Tank Star Proposes EU-Like Relationship Between U.S. and Canada, Despite Trump Backing Brexit

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Shark Tank star Kevin O’Leary realizes not everyone is a fan of President-elect Donald Trump’s idea of making Canada the 51st state—so he proposed an “economic union” similar to the European Union. But that might be a hard sell for a president who once called himself “Mr. Brexit.”

O’Leary appeared on Fox News Friday morning to discuss Trump’s talk about absorbing Canada into the United States. O’Leary, who is Canadian, endorsed the plan, according to The Independent, calling it “something great.”

“If you figured out a way to put these two countries together, it would be the most powerful country on earth. The most powerful military on earth, the most powerful resources and no adversary anywhere would mess with it. That’s the prize,” O’Leary said.

READ MORE: ‘Morality Police’: Fox News Hosts Freak Out After Canada Warns LGBTQ Travelers About Dangers of Visiting US

It’s not clear if Trump is joking about annexing Canada. People initially thought he was joking about buying Greenland during his first term, but it’s become clear that he is serious. On Thursday, Trump called for hockey legend Wayne Gretzky to lead Canada.

“I just left Wayne Gretzky, ‘The Great One’ as he is known in Ice Hockey circles. I said, ‘Wayne, why don’t you run for Prime Minister of Canada, soon to be known as the Governor of Canada – You would win easily, you wouldn’t even have to campaign.’ He had no interest, but I think the people of Canada should start a DRAFT WAYNE GRETZKY Movement. It would be so much fun to watch!” Trump wrote on Truth Social.

Earlier this month, he complained about “[subsidizing] Canada to the tune of over $100,000,000 a year” on Truth Social, and claimed “many Canadians want Canada to become the 51st State.” Trump’s claim, however, is not accurate. In her interview with O’Leary, Fox News host Aishah Hasnie cited a poll result that only 13% of Canadians want their country to become a new state.

O’Leary dismissed the poll and said that Canada didn’t necessarily need to become one of the United States.

“You don’t have to sell or merge the country but create a union where you put together the things that matter: a common currency, a common passport, free-flowing trade across the border, particularly in energy,” O’Leary said.

What he’s describing here is basically the European Union. Though the countries in the EU are independent, they share a currency—the euro—and citizens can travel freely throughout member countries. Trade is also open—but regulated by the EU, which attempts to balance individual countries’ concerns.

It’s this last bit that proved problematic for the Brexiteers in the United Kingdom. Countries in the EU have a principle called “primacy of European Union laws,” meaning EU regulations trump local countries’. EU law, though, is primarily concerned with trade and product regulations. And that’s one of the reasons Trump, in 2016, backed Brexit, even going as far as to call himself “Mr. Brexit.”

“Come November, the American people will have the chance to re-declare their independence. Americans will have a chance to vote for trade, immigration and foreign policies that put our citizens first,” Trump said at the time, according to CNN. “They will have the chance to reject today’s rule by the global elite, and to embrace real change that delivers a government of, by and for the people.”

Would “Mr. Brexit” be on board for his own North American Union? It seems unlikely.

Image via Shutterstock

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