This year’s edition of Universal Studios Hollywood‘s annual “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure” is filled with hateful homophobia. The pop-culture skit seems more like a bad junior high school romp — except with the addition of sexual innuendo, racism, homophobia, and rape “jokes.”
“Superman joins Bill and Ted on their witch-killing quest,” writes Vice’s Jamie Lee Curtis Taete, explaining the supposed plot. “Bill and Ted are pretty psyched about that because, y’know, he’s Superman and he’s really useful to have on your side in a battle against evil witches. But then, uh oh, a witch accidentally sprinkles Superman with fairy dust, turning him gay.”
After becoming gay, Superman’s voice and posture changes. His lips purse, his toes point inward, and his wrists become limp. His new voice sounds like a homophobic uncle doing a drunken impression of Richard Simmons, complete with lisps and frequent use of the word “faaaaaaabulous!”
Bill and Ted, understandably, are bummed. Their initial excitement at having Superman with them on their quest turns to disappointment as, obviously, now that Superman is gay, he is not going to be of any use to them.
Then, because Superman is now gay, he minces over to Bill and Ted, blows kisses at them, and slaps Ted on the ass. As he does this, Bill and Ted say “awwww dude!” with disgusted voices.
Vice goes on to explain that Superman tries “a few more attempts at molesting Bill and Ted,” and then, “aboard the Starship Enterprise… he runs into Superman villain General Zod.”
General Zod tells Superman to get on his knees. Because Superman is now gay, he assumes this is an invitation to give Zod oral sex. “Finally!” he squeals.
Also aboard the Starship Enterprise, the gang runs into George Takei. Because George Takei is gay too, he and Superman share an instant mutual attraction. “Who’s your friend?” asks George, in the same lisping, gay-minstrel voice that Superman uses.
Before Bill and/or Ted can answer, Superman interrupts by yelling “Hey daddy!” to George. (If you’re not homosexual, “Hey daddy!” is a mating call used by younger gays to initiate sex with older gays.)
George and Superman disappear to have sex. “Time to boldly go where no man has gone before!” says George, as they exit the stage.
This is the last we see of Superman in the play.
Apparently, Universal Studios thinks that all gay people are limp-wristed, lisping, sex-obsessed, and powerless.
Frankly, the video below, is shocking and offensive.
Vice also has several photographs and more story lines which reveal more disgusting stereotypes, like, “fresh new jokes about how black people can’t swim and die first in horror movies.”
There’s also a Nicki Minaj character whose dialogue, I assume, was written by someone who has never met an actual black person before. She literally says things like “We the wicked witches from the East Siiiiiiiiiiide! Whatchu crackers doin in our lair?”
Also, if you’re one of those sensitive types who doesn’t like rape, there’s a part where Wreck-It Ralph comes and beats Nicki Minaj and Amanda Bynes into unconsciousness. He then picks Nicki up, throws her over his shoulder and starts to take her off stage. “Where are you taking Nicki Minaj?” asks Bill. Wreck-It Ralph gestures toward Nicki’s ass and says “I’m gonna wreck it.” Thus destroying any arguments you have about rape jokes not being funny.
If you’re latino, there’s a killer zinger where Bill tells Ron Burgundy that the Munchkin Land is “a very colorful place filled with lots of unemployed people who barely speak English.”
Also apparently, Universal was under to ludicrous belief that if they just offend everyone, it’s not racist, homophobic, or anything else, because they’ve covered all the bases.
Because, you see, the show is just a “limited run,” and “is specifically intended to be shocking and satirical in tone, focusing on adult themes,” Universal told The Advocate.
“The show lampoons across all areas of our culture and it was not our intention to offend or upset anyone. We know there are a range of opinions on this issue and we will respect them as we consistently review and refine the show’s content.”
There’s nothing refined about this ignorant, ugly, and offensive “Adventure.”
Watch as Ted says, “Dude, we need Superman to man up.”
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