The majority of people in America support same-sex marriage, support equal rights for the LGBT community, and even think it should be illegal for gay people to be fired because they’re gay. But, as you can imagine, there are pockets of people across the country who don’t support same-sex marriage, who don’t support equal rights for the LGBT community, and even think it should be legal for gay people to be fired because they’re gay. In short, these people are generally religious bigots and haters, and it’s because of their attitudes that gay people sometimes think straight people hate us.
To be clear — most of America isn’t bigoted. Most of America doesn’t hate gay people. And most gay people don’t think most straight people hate us. But here’s why the some do.
Enter a (presumably) straight woman named Dale O’Leary, author of several books, most recently, One Man, One Woman: A Catholics Guide to Defending Marriage, and The Gender Agenda: Redefining Equality. Dale O’Leary also is the author of last year’s op-ed, “Do Gay-Straight Alliances cause cancer?” (Her answer, in short, was “yes.”)
Dale O’Leary is also the author of an opinion piece that was published this month in Lifesite News and Crisis Magazine.
“Why Homosexuals Think they Are Hated” is a fact-less exploration of decades-old myths and religious perceptions about gay people, offered as modern-day advice and insight. O’Leary offers zero proof, zero links to studies, and zero supporting documentation whatsoever. In fact (a word that may be alien to O’Leary,) had she written “the moon is made of green cheese” she might have been more credible.
A few excerpts:
GLBT (gay lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered) activists are demanding that Catholics and those of other religions change 4,000-year-old teachings about marriage and sexual morality. When believers answer that they are not authorized to make such changes in what God has revealed, the GLBT activists accuse them of “hate,” even going so far as to charge them with “hate crimes.”
It doesn’t matter how gently the words are spoken or how carefully the message is phrased, the GLBT activists only hear “hate.”
Well, actually, we hear hate when you tell us we are inferior, cannot access marriage because your God wouldn’t like that, and are mentally ill, child-raping deviates. Doesn’t that sound like hate to you? If we started a campaign saying all the things bigoted gay-hating straight people say about us, you would call it hate in a split second.
O’Leary continues:
Although there is no one cause for same-sex attraction (SSA), in many instances it can be linked to childhood gender identity disorder — the failure to identify strongly with one’s own same-sex parent or peers in the first two years of life. Some persons with SSA as children wanted to be other sex or pretended to be the other sex, while others simply felt ‘different’ from their same-sex parent and peers.
Very often the child’s relationship with the father was seriously deficient. Not having a positive, healthy relationship with one’s father affects the way a person deals with authority, rules, and rejection. Often persons with SSA were rejected by peers, who did understand their ‘different’ behavior. Every time the unhealed adult with SSA feels rejection, faces discipline, or is confronted with rules, he remembers the pain of his relationship with his father or peers. He transfers these feelings to those who oppose him and screams in pain “You hate me, you hate me.”
Um, no. “Same-sex attraction” is not a disease, any more than “opposite sex attraction” would be. And in case you hadn’t checked, it’s the 21st century. And homosexuality is determined at birth. Get over it.
“Very often the child’s relationship with the father was seriously deficient.” Bull. There are millions of homosexuals who wood call you a liar if you said that about them. How would you know, anyway?
“He transfers these feelings to those who oppose him and screams in pain ‘You hate me, you hate me’.”
Like I said, “you hate me” because you’re a religious bigot who has no understanding of homosexuality other than what you may have read in the 1960′s. And in the 1960′s, the U.S. population was 180 million. It’s 311 million now. Three times the number of people have 4-year higher education degrees. Americans live about eight years longer. Divorce is up 50%. The rate of measles infection has drooped 99%. And we put men on the moon.
Welcome.
The only real solution in these cases is for persons with SSA to forgive their fathers and to be reconciled with their father God. Until that happens we cannot take their anger personally. We must speak clearly about the need for healing and repentance — but remember that the sexual sin is the fruit of a developmental disorder and often the first sin that must be repented of is the sin of resentment.
I had an opportunity to see this work with a woman who had been involved in lesbian activity. While the healing process was long and difficult, it began when she forgave her parents. From that moment on, she never returned to the same-sex activity.
I’m pretty sure I’ve forgive my parents for the few issues I had with them. They were (and are) pretty cool. And guess what? Still gay. Thanks for asking.
Persons with SSA are themselves filled with anger and ‘hate’ and they project that on anyone who opposes their demands. They assume we must be as angry as they are. We must constantly remind ourselves that under their anger and their hate, persons with SSA are wounded men and women. As small children they accepted the lie that they were different. They were unable to embrace their true identities as sons and daughters of God. In spite of their anger and false accusations, we must continue to speak the truth. Only by this means can we help them find their way out of the lies in which have been trapped. And most of all we need to pray for them.
No, we’re angry when ignorant and uneducated people try to pass on this religious psychobabble t the masses.
Fortunately, they see right through you, Dale.
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{ 20 comments }
I'm 100% against homosexual marriage and the promotion of the homosexual lifestyle as a norm.
I hate NO one!
Should homosexuality be a crime, then? Should those participating in what you call the homosexual lifestyle be shunned from society?
Your first sentence negates your second one.
And you're part of a dying breed. The majority of Americans are against you.
Not what I'm hearing in the real world. Maybe on some slanted poll or made up stat. Once the pc stigma losses its grip, more people are voicing their true thoughts.
Well, perhaps your "real world" is a very small portion of the total population. And most likely it is self-selected to mirror your personal prejudices.
My step-Dad thinks that everyone is against the whole "gay thing" and are just too afraid to speak up. In reality most of us are for equal rights, marriage and such and just don't want to argue with a bewildered, argumentative old man.
Maybe people you know just don't want to get caught up in that kind of confrontation with you.
all that tells us is that you live in a bubble and reject anything that doesn't confirm your bias. Many polls, reliable polls, have shown that most people support LGBT equality. They aren't faked, they aren't bogus, it's real data, collected in real surveys, by trusted professionals.
There are also other indicators. When anti-gays decided to boycott Ford? Their stock ROSE. DumpStarbucks for supporting marriage equality? 31,695 pledges. PumpStarbucks for supporting marriage equality? 645,424 pledges. That means for every 1 person who has pledged to dump starbucks for supporting gay rights TWENTY people have pledged to thank them and to drink Starbucks. And Starbucks stock has been rising since the campaign began, and let's remember that DUMPStarbucks had a head start and TONS of media coverage that PumpStarbucks never got.
The simple fact is that gay people aren't some other. We're real people, we live everywhere, and as people get to know us, they get it. And that's just going to continue. The Bubble you live in is getting smaller.
Your world is definitely NOT the real world. As Mr. Badash says, you are part of a dying breed and a shrinking minority.
Well, I really don't speak to my father and my mother died well over 30 years ago. But that has nothing to do with my being gay. Nothing at all.
I do rebel against authority though – especially the expectation that I owe someone respect without them showing respect for me.
And my atheism – it comes more from my 12 years in Catholic schools and learning what's in the Bible, plus my anti-authoritarianism that has been inherent in me for as long as I can remember.
And there is a part of me that want to lock up the bigots and throw away the key. Hell, they want to do the same to me and if you read my respect bit you understand that informs my sense of justice.
I hate my parents, especially my mother. That sounds awful, but so was she- abuse sucks. And was bullied in school. Yet I'm straight as an arrow- doesn't that blow her flimsy theory out of the water?
Kind of bizarre that how conservatives to restrict LGBT peoples legal rights, on top of generally declaring them sub-human, and then they decide it must be childhood trauma causing people to see hate…
Thought that's not as bizarre as the belief that if their personal religious belief is that homosexual intercourse is bad, their religious right extends to making sure other people suffer from doing it, instead of, y'know, *just not doing it themselves*.
Or how they can honestly be expected to be seen as pious rather than bigoted when they selectively ignore every other things in leviticus, such as shellfish, mixing fibers, haircuts, working on the sabbath, touching things a bleeding woman sat on etc, which were all equally proscribed.
We won't even mention recent studies and plethora of time-honored high-profile examples that show a correlation between homophobia and repression?)
The most revealing of her assertions is that "as small children they accepted the lie that they were different." This particular brand of "reparative" pseudo-psychology, founded on the untested theories of Elizabeth Moberly (an English "psychotherapist" interested more in dressing up her "traditional" Christian beliefs in scientistic clothing than in actually engaging in real science) is motivated above all by the drive to deny difference: 'You're just a deviation from the norm I identify with, and in the best of all worlds, you'd be "healed" to become just like me, so I wouldn't have to deal with your (or my own) difference.'
Beautiful article. I once had a priest ask me if I had been abused as a child, and the answer is no. I love both my parents and we have a stable relationship, and you know what? I'm still as gay as the day is long!
sapphiqueer.wordpress.com
The author's anti-gay religious thought doesn't correspond to a determinable reality, just as the first woman was NOT created out of the rib of the first man.
Hmmmmm….. I had a Father that abandoned my Mother when she was pregnant with me. I am straight, but maybe if I truly forgive him I'll be Gay?
"GLBT (gay lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered) activists are demanding that Catholics and those of other religions change 4,000-year-old teachings about marriage and sexual morality. "
Where is this happening? As a happily married gay man, I don't give a flip what Catholics and other religions "teach" about marriage or sexual morality. Teach it! Preach it! Believe it!
… but …
Impose it on others who do not share that belief? That would be plainly un-American.
I could give a flip what any church believes. I just don't want OUR government taking YOUR side and YOU deciding what goes on in MY bedroom and what I wear on my ring finger. The government should just treat your marriage and my marriage the same and leave it at that.
So homosexuality is both a disease and a sin. Does this mean that somebody who has cancer is also committing a sin by having cancer? How about the person with some kind of mental disorder? Is that also some kind of sin?
why did she only say "4,000 yrs of marriage? what happened to the rest of 6,000 yrs since Adam and Eve supposable existeed 10,000 yrs ago. Dr. Spitzer renounced his 2003 study in regarding homosexuality and reparative therapy…Matter-In-Fact-he now states that reapartive is harmful…I would have to say that Ms. Dale O’Leary has no degree in psychology and if she does she is hiding it….does anyone know?????
Rather confusing article title.
So far as I can tell, her rationalizations are based loosely on Fruedian ideas, which is mildly amusing considering Frued didn't really care about homosexuality. To him, it wasn't a problem or something to try and "fix," just something that happened. Kind of ironic that his very few notes have become the basis for most psuedo-scientific anti-gay psychology.
"Very often the child’s relationship with the father was seriously deficient…"
Oboy here we go again with the pseudo-Freudian CRAP; are there really people out there who still believe this bullshit? FYI I had a very close relationship with my Dad. Try again.
"Often persons with SSA were rejected by peers, who did understand their ‘different’ behavior. "
Chicken/egg you stupid idiot. The "different" behavior, whatever it is, PRECIPITATES the peer rejection and abuse; it is not the RESULT of it. The above statement is rather a confirmation that being gay is predetermined at some point before the kid reaches school age.
I'm not broken. I do not need fixing. God loves me exactly as I am. And if that makes you uncomfortable, do us both a favor and crawl back under your rock and stay there.
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